Friday, September 17, 2010

Back to Square 1

We mailed in our new application to AGCI today. It has been exactly 3 months since we signed our first application. 3 months ago I did not expect to be here, to be switching countries, and starting over.

I spoke to the social worker who is doing our home study and she told me that she will not have to redo our home study, just change a couple of things. Hopefully it won't take us too long to complete everything. I am not sure what all is involved with the dossier for Ethiopia. I do know it is less than the one for Rwanda, so that is a plus.

When I spoke with our social worker, I told her about all of the mixed feelings I have been having. She told me to make sure I took time to grieve. At the time I was thinking that I didn't really need to. I felt I already had, but this week was a really hard one for me emotionally. I have just been so sad and not felt peaceful about the whole situation. So, I have been grieving and praying.

I know I have not lost my child. She is still out there and God is leading us to her. I guess the thing that is upsetting me the most is the wait that is still ahead of us. When we first decided to pursue an adoption from Rwanda the total time frame from application to bringing home our child we were given was 9-14 months. Of course, we were told we had to be flexible and that things could change, but I really thought we might have a referral by spring and be bringing home a baby next summer or fall. I now know it will be much longer than that.

If we knew then what we knew now we may have made different decisions. Well, we would have. There is no may about it. The fact is we didn't, but God did. I am trusting that He is using all of this to lead us to our little girl.

This morning I woke up with that uneasy feeling again. I knew we needed to fill out our application today. I had tears in my eyes as I went for my morning walk and prayer time. I thought about all of our options regarding the adoption. When I say options I mean continuing or not. I even prayed about possibly pursuing domestic adoption. I prayed for God to show me what to do and to give me peace. I really wanted to feel peace. I don't expect things to be easy, but I want to at least feel like I am doing the right thing.

I can say now that God has given me that peace. We filled out our application and I truly think it was the right thing to do. Our daughter is in Africa and we are going to do whatever we have to do to get to her. If that means waiting longer than when we ever imagined waiting, then we will wait.

The other day, Sawyer told me that he didn't want a sister anymore, because it was taking too long for her to come home. It broke my heart to hear him say that. One of the hardest parts of this whole thing is that it doesn't just affect us, it also affects our boys. They want her to come home just like we do! I told Sawyer that we would have waited on him, because we loved him, so we are going to wait on Mia, too. I told him that we would pray everyday and that God will help us. He said that he would wait and that he loved her.

We all love her! Things have not gone as I have planned, but we are not ready to quit. She will be worth the wait. I keep telling myself this. Justin keeps telling me too. It will all be worth it!


  1. I know this has been a difficult situation for y'all. I am glad you have peace to move forward. :)

  2. Sweet Mia will be so worth the wait!! I am sorry for all the changes and emotions that ya'll have had to go through these past few weeks! I know that God has an amazing plan in it! And I am thrilled that ya'll have a peace about joining us in the Ethiopia program! Excited for ya'll to be moving forward to your baby girl once again!

  3. Wish I could give you a hug. Filled out my application also. I also have a heavy heart... not quite like the first application- strange. But I do have a peace. I think it will take time (that's what I keep telling myself).

    We are praying for you! Ethiopia here we come!

  4. She will most certainly be worth the wait even though you have to endure a roller coaster of a ride to get to her. I learned with Silas that the waiting quickly fades into the background when you see your child's face for the first time. Praying that God will continue to give you peace during this time.

  5. The process is so hard, especially when we have to take different paths than we thought we were taking. May you have great wisdom as you help your child process the changes and the wait time too.
    from -- come check us out!

  6. I had to add to the "worth the wait comment". During our wait, I kept telling B we knew she'd be worth it, but we wouldn't be able to "wrap our minds around it" until she arrived. Boy was I right. Our daughter is so like us it's scary; not just now but from the very beginning. She truly is our child and the perfect child for us; just born a world away. What a miracle.....

  7. My heart is grieved for you! We haven't pursued adoption yet, but hope too. But, we've had several friends do so. One of our friends in particular had a similar story. They had to wait 2 years and were waiting on brothers from Ethiopia. During the process, they waited longer than they thought and also ended up switching sets of brothers due to some confusion on the Ethipian court side. Eventually, they got the boys that God had for them! And I know they would say their journey brought them closer to Christ and they have their family they were praying for (two biological daughters and two God sent sons). I hope this is encouraging. We would love to adopt one day and your idea of doing photography to raise money is a WONDERFUL way to use the gifts God has given you to honor Him. I'm hoping to do something similar one day. If we lived closer, I would book in a heart beat. Our prayers are with you! Here's our friends' website.