Surrender

A little over six months ago we saw a picture of our daughter. We didn't know she was our daughter, but we knew she was a precious child who needed a home. She stole our hearts and soon we were in the process of becoming her parents.

Two months ago we appeared in front of a judge in Ethiopia and were told that our daughter was all ours. We became a family of five and our daughter became a Bufkin. It was a happy day! At the time, I thought we would be back in a month, maybe six weeks. Well, here we are, still waiting half a world away from our little girl.
The past couple of weeks have been really hard for me emotionally. I have shed many tears and prayed many prayers. I know God has a plan for us. I know our daughter will come home, but the wait and the many unknowns are hard.
God has taught me so much through this adoption. Many of the lessons I have learned have come in the hard moments. But, in the last couple of weeks all I have felt is frustration and pain. I knew this was an opportunity for the Lord to teach me; to grow me and to mold me to be more like His son. I just wasn't seeing the lesson. I wanted God to teach me something, to reveal Himself to me, so I asked Him to do just this.

The last couple of days I have felt the Lord speak to my heart. I hear Him saying, "Surrender."

This is not the first time the Lord has called me to surrender my life and my family over to Him. I really thought I already had. We followed the Lord in obedience to adopt our child. It feels like that should be enough, but God is showing me that He wants more from me. I still struggle with wanting things to happen my way and in my time. I thought I knew the perfect date for our daughter to come home. She didn't, so now I have another "perfect time" in my head.

I think I am beginning to realize that I have to surrender my own plans. I have to tell my Heavenly Father that no matter what happens, He is enough. I can't put my daughter, or any of my children for that matter, above Him. He needs to be first in my life and I have not been putting Him there.

This is something I am still learning. I don't have it all figured out by any means. I know that some days I feel completely at peace in the wait and other days I am not.

We could find out this week or next that our case has been cleared and we get to go get our daughter. We could be waiting for another couple of months. We may have to fight harder before she comes home. Whatever it is, I pray that I can say, "It is well with my soul." I will serve the Lord no matter what happens. I choose to praise Him in the good times and the bad.