For the last few weeks I have been getting up early to have my quiet time and walk around our neighborhood. I started walking because I just plain needed the exercise. It has turned into a time that I really look forward to. It is time for me to be alone with the Lord. It is also a time for me to think about and pray for our baby in Rwanda. I don't even know how to explain it, but somehow I feel that I am bonding with our baby and growing to love her more everyday. What started as a love for orphans and a desire to help children is turning into a great love of one child. A child that probably isn't born yet and may or may not be conceived yet. I have heard the term "born in my heart" quite a bit in the adoption world, and I now know and completely understand what that means.
When I was pregnant with my boys I connected with them as they grew inside me. I felt them move around inside me and loved them with all of my heart. Finding out they were boys and giving them names helped us to connect that much more, made it that much more real. Things are obviously different this time. But God is growing a love for my baby in my heart. He started by showing us where our child is. And last week He revealed to me that our baby is a girl. God showed me this during my prayer time, but I still wasn't sure. At first I felt that I was saying no to all of the little boys in Rwanda who are in need of and deserving of a loving family. God has since showed me that I am not called to save every baby in Rwanda. I am called to love my children and be their mother. The Lord is leading us to our baby girl.
We have pretty much decided on a name for our daughter, but I am not going to post it just yet. If you are praying with us, you can now pray for our daughter in Rwanda.