'Tis So Sweet

When I talk about our upcoming trip to Ethiopia and about all that is going on in our lives right now I usually use words like excited, happy, thankful, and blessed. These are all accurate words to describe how I am feeling. I am truly excited about meeting our daughter. I am so happy and thankful for the call to adopt God put on our hearts. I am blessed!

But there are a few other emotions I am feeling as well that aren't as fun to talk about; stressed, worried, and fearful.

Yes, I said it. I am stressed!! We have so much going on right now with preparing for our trip and the holidays and just life. I make to-do lists every day, scratch things off, and go to bed with a list longer than I started with.

I keep thinking, "I'm too blessed to be stressed." You know, I'd really like to meet the person who first coined that saying, so I could give her a good smack between the eyes. Hey, I'm just being real! I am indeed blessed, but I am also feeling stressed with a capital S.

The other pesky thing that has been creeping in is fear. Oh, fear, I thought I already dealt with you. God has been teaching me for quite a while now to trust Him in all things and to fear not. I faced my fears and said,"yes" to God when we accepted the referral of our sweet girl with special needs. God filled me with peace and I thought we could start a new lesson. Ha! I thought I could start writing a new chapter in the "things God has taught me through this adoption" book.

Apparently, God is not done with me on this subject. I am currently doing a women's Bible study by Angela Thomas called "Brave." It has been really great. Last week the study was entitled "I'm Trembling Inside." This pretty much describes where I am right now. Justin told me that our pastor is starting a new sermon series about fear. This is really starting to become humorous.

I love our daughter and I know she is meant for our family, but I am also so afraid of all of the unknowns. I know I have been very vague about her special needs and I will continue to be for now. Honestly, there is just so much we don't know and won't know until she is home. Some days I try to imagine what our life will be like when she is here, and I can't. I just have no idea how our lives will be different and it scares me. I don't know when and even if she will walk without assistance. I don't know if she will do "normal" little girl things like play dress up, take dance lessons, and go to slumber parties. Often times, I fear that I won't have what it takes to care for her.

One thing I am learning is that God is never angry at me when I am scared. When my own children are truly scared, I can never be mad at them. I want to comfort them and try my best to help them not to be afraid. I hold them and tell them I love them. How much more does my Heavenly Father want to love me and hold me when I am scared. I have felt Him nudging me to tell Him what I am afraid of, to tell Him what it is I want for our daughter, and for our family. He wants me to hand over my fears to Him.

This week I got in a car accident. The boys were with me and we are all fine. No one was injured and I think my children actually enjoyed the little adventure. Talk about feeling stressed. This was not on the to-do list, for goodness sake. It really has reminded me of my vulnerability. It has reminded me how one little mistake can have big consequences. This, of course has brought out my fears.

Last night I was driving with the boys in the car. They were being loud and I was feeling nervous. I told them to quiet down and pray for us to be safe, because Mommy was feeling nervous after our accident.

From the back seat, Sawyer calmly and quietly prayed, "God you are with us. God we know that you are with us."

Such a simple and sweet prayer from the heart of my five year old son. God doesn't promise us that life will be easy. He doesn't promise us that all of our dreams will come true. He doesn't promise us that life won't get busy and that we won't go to bed every night feeling exhausted. He doesn't promise that we won't make mistakes that have ugly consequences. But He does promise to always be with us. He promises in His word, "I will never leave you; never will I forsake you."

I pray that in the coming months as we prepare to bring our daughter home, I will remember and find comfort in the sincere words of my eldest son. "God you are with us. God we know that you are with us."

Right as I was trying to think of a title for this post the song, "'Tis So Sweet" started playing on the Ipad. Oh, how I love the Lord's timing!! Let me leave you with these sweet words.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know Thus sayeth the Lord

O how sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to trust His cleansing blood
And in simple faith to plunge me
Neath the healing cleansing flood

Jesus Jesus how I trust him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus
O for grace to trust him more

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace