How We Got Here

This is the picture we submitted with our application to AGCI last summer. It was one year ago this month that we were accepted into AGCI's Rwanda program. The main difference I see when I look at this picture is that the boys are bigger and more grown up now. Jax looks like such a baby in this picture. In some ways not much has changed. We are still a family of 4 pursuing adoption, but the truth is we have changed so much over this past year. God has grown Justin and I closer to each other and to Himself.

I mentioned in my last post that we are changing our parameters to 0-3 years for a girl or a sibling group with at least one girl. This is not the first time we felt the Lord leading us to open our parameters. It may seem that we are just very indecisive and can't make up our minds. I wanted to share a little bit about how we got to where we are now.

So, as I said, last July we were accepted into the Rwanda program. We had dreams of adopting a 0-12 month old baby girl from Rwanda. We decided to name our daughter Mia Grace and began to pray for her by name. I was already dreaming about my sweet daughter and couldn't wait to hold her in my arms.

In August my dreams started to change a little and I kept picturing Mia with a sister. It was strange, because Justin and I agreed that we would only be adopting 1 child at a time. A couple of weeks after I started daydreaming about 2 littles from Africa, we found out that Rwanda would no longer be accepting dossiers, at least for now. So many thoughts were going through my head as I spoke to our caseworker about the changes and what it meant for our family. The most surprising thought that entered my head during our conversation was, "maybe we can switch to Ethiopia and adopt siblings." My next thought was, "you are crazy! Justin would never agree to adopt siblings."

That night I had a very vivid dream. In the dream I spoke to Justin and told him that I felt like God was leading us to possibly adopt siblings. He said he agreed with me. I woke up knowing it was indeed a dream, because there is no way he would say yes. It's not that my husband was opposed to more children, but he is very practical and level-headed and this wasn't exactly the most practical and level-headed decision for our family.

So, I decided that since I couldn't stop thinking about sisters I should have a real life conversation with my husband. I told him about the dream and about the "crazy" thoughts I had been having. To my surprise he didn't say no. He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either.

We decided to withdraw from the Rwanda program and apply for the Ethiopia program with AGCI. I went for a walk one morning before I started our application. I had such an uneasy feeling about everything. I seriously didn't know if we were supposed to continue on with the adoption at this point. I prayed to the Lord asking Him to show us what to do. I began to think about our parameters and I realized that is what I was feeling uneasy about. I talked to Justin and we decided to change our parameters to 0-20 months for a girl. We also decided to go ahead and get on the siblings list. At the time, we thought that two girls made the most since, so they could share a room.

So, fast forward about 5 months. We were officially waiting for our girl or girls. The Lord started speaking to me about why we make the decisions we make. He showed me clearly that there are some decisions I make because of fear and that is not what He desires for my life. I really started looking at a lot of areas in my life including our parameters. I prayed that God would reveal anything we should change. We started researching special needs and talking to our case workers about what God was showing us. We also prayed about adopting an "older" child, meaning a child over the age of 2.

We finally decided that we would expand the age of our child to up to 3. Jax will be 4 in September and since our agency has a rule that our adopted child must be at least 10 months younger than our youngest child, a 3 year old is the oldest we can adopt. We also decided that we would not have any problems with adopting a little boy. We both still feel that God has a little girl for us, so if we adopt siblings, it will be with at least one girl.

Our Heavenly Father has lovingly provided for our adoption thus far and we trust that He will continue to do so. One of our biggest fears in the beginning was about how we would pay for the adoption. We still have a ways to go in raising/saving for what we need, but so far we have had just what we needed when we needed it.

I have no idea if we will adopt siblings or why He has lead us to change our parameters. We could still end up with an infant daughter and that would be just fine with us. Maybe the Lord just wants us to trust Him a little more, to let go of a some of our control.

We found out this week that we are unofficially #18 for siblings. We are so excited to be in the teens!!! It is a little bit scary not knowing how many children we will add to our family, or how old they will be, or exactly how much money we will need to get them home. Thankfully, we have a God who has all the answers and who knows what is best for us. I can't wait to see who He has picked out for our family.

We love you baby or babies and we are coming for you!!!