Remembering, Wrestling, and Resolving

Every year around this time, I can't help but think about the two precious children who came into our lives one June. It was six years ago when we met two of the sweetest kids I know. I wrote about our experience as foster parents exactly one year ago. You can read that post here.

We were barely 25 years old when we committed to care for two little ones who needed a home. I am sure many people thought we were crazy, but for us it made perfect sense. We wanted a child and things were not going as we planned. We were waiting for God to answer our prayer for a child. We knew there were children who needed homes. We had the room in our home and our hearts to share with children who needed it. It made perfect sense to us. It was pretty much a no-brainer. We became foster parents.

It was an amazing experience. I have no doubt it was exactly what God wanted us to do. He used this time in our lives to deepen our love for orphans and to solidify our call to one day adopt.

Six years later we find ourselves in a similar place. Again, we are waiting for God to answer our prayer for a child, this time through international adoption. I find myself becoming uneasy with the wait. Part of it is that I am impatient, but the hardest part for me is waiting when I know there are children who need homes now.

I know there are kids in foster care who need permanent homes. I know there are children who will enter into foster care in the coming weeks who need a safe home where they can be nurtured and loved until they are able to return home. (We would absolutely foster right now if we could, but we can't at this time. I have asked.) I know there are precious ones overseas who are being overlooked because of their age or a disability. This absolutely breaks my heart. I am uneasy within myself and have began to question our decision to wait for our child in Ethiopia. A part of me feels like I am saying no to the many children all over the world who are available for adoption now.

This is something I have been wrestling with for a while now. As I was talking to God about all of this, He revealed something to me. I realized that I felt unsettled because things are not as they should be. In the perfect world God created, children would never be without families. There wouldn't be children in foster care or teenagers who are aging out of the system without families to support and love them. Unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world, but in a sinful world filled with pain and loss. Things are not as they should be. Then I felt like God said to me, "Meredith, you are not the answer to these problems! I have not called you to be the solution. I am the ONLY solution. I am the ONLY answer. You are only called to lead others to Me, the ONLY one who has all the answers"

I realize this is probably not news to any of you. Of course, I am not the answer to the world's orphan crisis. I can do my part, but I don't need to feel guilty about every child that I am unable to adopt or care for. God knows exactly who our child/ren are. We have prayed about every decision thus far, like what agency to use, what country to adopt from , age parameters, etc. God has given us a peace and Satan loves to come along and make us doubt. We will continue to pray and will always be open to whatever the Lord shows us, but for now I am confident we are where we need to be. I'm done with the doubt and the guilt.

I love this verse I posted last year on this date. It still gives me hope and I'm glad God reminded me of it today.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (The Message)
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.